In honor of Pete Alonso getting his own burger, I thought it would benefit the New York Mets to load up the menu with some other great items in honor of players. How great would it be to chow down on some other delicious food with the namesake of some Mets legends?
Rather than give them a bunch of fantastic ideas to steal and profit from it, I decided to use my time coming up with the worst possible menu items. Would you eat any of these?
Bobby Bonilla Burger
Made with basic ingredients, this burger is truly nothing special yet the cost will have you paying annual installments every July 1.
Carlos Beltran NLCS Cracker Jacks
Inspired by the greatest Mets center fielder of all time, these Cracker Jacks have the unfortunate historical link to the worst moment of Carlos Beltran’s career with the club. These inedible Cracker Jacks aren’t for eating, they’re for looking at. Best served with a bat sitting on your shoulder.
Jeurys Familia Quick Pitch Quiche
A more adventurous menu item for the Mets, this one pays tribute to Jeurys Familia’s quick pitch from the 2015 World Series. A quiche isn’t a traditional ballpark food and adding one to the menu is definitely risky. But so is trying to fool a hitter with a quick pitch in the World Series.
Ron Darling-Lenny Dykstra Combo Meal
The brilliance of the perfect combo meal includes the pairing of two things that go well together. Peanut butter and jelly. Chocolate and peanut butter. Peanut butter and more peanut butter. They all work. This combo meal with the names of two former Mets teammates doesn’t mix well. What is it? It’s chicken fingers drowning in a bowl of warm milk. You also can only eat it with chopsticks.
Yoenis Cespedes Boar’s Head Sandwich
One of the few menu items that actually may taste well, the name has little to do with the popular brand it closely matches. This sandwich, caught and slaughtered by Yoenis Cespedes, comes with a side of an aching foot.
Jed Lowrie Basket of Fries
Don’t get your hopes up. This side dish is completely empty.
Brodie Van Wagenen Transaction Ice Cream Sundae
Advertised as a sweet treat, fans will be upset to learn ordering this menu item doesn’t actually bring them an ice cream sundae. Instead, they get a cup of rotten fruit.
Tom Glavine Bag of Pistachios
These are fine at first. However, you’ll soon realize they only crack under pressure.
Generation K Hot Dog
These normal-looking ballpark classic hot dogs look like they’re fresh from the grill. They are, but the problem is they only come in broken buns that disintegrate with each bite. The Jason Isringhausen condiment sauce that comes with it tastes wonderful once it leaves New York.
Jeff Wilpon Pizza
There’s literally nothing good about this one. Just look at it. Pathetic! It’s small, meddling, and completely hate by the fan base for everything it does and stands for. The slice of pizza isn’t very good either.
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What other menu items would you never want to see at Citi Field? I know you have some awesome suggestions to share. Let’s self-deprecate a little more.