Rising Apple Top Ten: The Ultimate Question in the Universe

By Will DeBoer

Ladies and gentlemen, here is tonight’s Top Ten list!

Today’s category: Top Ten Universe Reactions to a Justin Turner Walk-Off

June 1, 2012; Flushing, NY, USA; New York Mets second baseman Justin Turner (2) gives starting pitcher Johan Santana (57) a pie in the face after throwing the first no-hitter in Mets history against the St. Louis Cardinals at Citi Field. Mets won 8-0. Mandatory Credit: Debby Wong-USA TODAY Sports

Now last Saturday myself and a bunch of the staff here at Rising Apple met at Citi Field to take in a Mets game. At one point, and I don’t know what led us to this discussion (but it was probably me), we tried to figure out what would happen if designated pie-man Justin Turner were to get a walk-off hit. Justin’s gotten walk-off hits before, but he hasn’t gotten one since he was appointed “celebration captain” before the 2012 season. Always in pursuit of the truth, we’ve compiled a list of ten possible reactions the universe has to this potential conundrum. Because, you know, with all the crazy stuff happening in our universe, nothing’s crazier than a potential walk-off without a pie in the face. Apparently.

Top Ten Universe Reactions to a Justin Turner Walk-Off

10. He becomes an “auto-pie-lot” and does it himself (but what’s the fun in that?)

9. Matter meets anti-matter and the universe blinks out of existence

8. Infield sprinklers start spouting whipped cream, bury entire team under piestuffs

7. Ramon Ramirez pulls his hamstring running the pie in from the bullpen

6. Turner tosses a pie into the air that breaks the earth’s gravitational pull, circumnavigates the globe, reenters the atmosphere at Citi Field, and hits JT in the face; in sum, he pies himself (but in a more fun way!)

5. Le Grand Orange Sr., Rusty Staub, appears to do the honors to Le Grand Orange Jr.

4. Jordany Valdespin volunteers for the job, Instagrams a picture of the pie in a Marlins cap

3. Willie Harris senses a disturbance in the Force – three days later Justin gets his pie

2. The awakening of the original pie guy, Harold Ingraham Nashville “Pie” DeFace (Pie I.N. DeFace), to do the honors

1. John Buck breaks the universe’s nose

Have your own ideas as to what the universe has in store for the next walk-off by our own JT? The comments section is yours.

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