New York Mets New Year’s Resolutions
It is that time of year again-the time when many make New Year’s resolutions. Some people want to get in shape, some want to get out of debt and some want to volunteer more (apparently these resolutions are commonly broken). I imagine some baseball players make New Year’s resolutions, although they probably involve something like batting over .300 or getting more distance when spitting. Still, if certain members of the New York Mets were to make resolutions, they might look something like this:
Ike Davis: I won’t accidentally trip over David Wright and end my season. If I am forced to rehab in Florida, I will stay in a hotel that televises the Mets.
Daniel Murphy: I am going to try my hardest to bring the designated hitter to the National League.
Ruben Tejada: My goal is to get HUGE so that my slugging percentage might be almost as high as my on-base percentage.
David Wright: There’s a lot I want to accomplish this year. I want to stay healthy, play better defense and exorcise my Citi Field Demons. But most of all, I want to form a new bromance now that Jose is gone. Oh, and I want to stay in New York, but apparently some people want me gone.
Justin Turner: I want to tweet during a game, get thrown out, and then return with fake facial hair. Hey, we share the same number…
Josh Thole: I will ward off all threats to my claim as the team’s number one catcher-even Mike Nickeas. However, I will not tweet about it.
Mike Pelfrey: I’m going to try those new bottles of hand moisturizer that everyone got me for Christmas. Maybe then I’ll stop licking my hand while pitching.
R.A. Dickey: I’m going to climb Mount Kilimanjaro for charity and release my autobiography. Then I’m going to be the most consistent pitcher on the Mets pitching staff. You think I’m joking?
Jason Bay: This year, I’m going to hit. No, really. Seriously, I will become the hitter I was right before I signed with the Mets. I swear on maple syrup, maple leaves and maple bats that I WILL hit in 2012! Didn’t you hear they moved the walls in?
Bobby Parnell: To make up for the lack of movement on my pitches, I’m going to throw even harder.
Lucas Duda: I will hit the cover off the ball while drinking white russians. Then nobody will play “Camptown Races” when I come to the plate.
Jon Niese: I will prove that a young, talented left-handed starting pitcher with Major League experience who is under team control for the next few years shouldn’t be traded. Seriously, why am in a new trade rumor every day?
Frank Francisco, Jon Rauch and Ramon Ramirez: Remember how bad the bullpen was last season? We are going to make it better-should be a pretty easy resolution to keep.
Dillon Gee: I will live up to my comparisons to Rick Reed by not walking an average of four batters per nine innings.
Johan Santana: I want to pitch this year.
Terry Collins: I’m going to have the team bunt more because we didn’t do it enough last year.
Sandy Alderson: Somehow, some way, I will make this team a contender.