Ladies and gentlemen, here is this week’s Top Ten list!
This week’s category: Top Ten Mets Fans Questions Before Opening Day
Well folks, we’re just a weekend away from the most wonderful time of the year: Opening Day. A day when even the dimmest of hopes shine bright. Of course I’m talking about our beloved New York Mets, and with today’s news about Johan Santana that light is flickering even further. So my advice to you, fellow Amazin’s, is to ask yourself these questions before Jonathon Niese’s first pitch. Because you might not have time after.
Top Ten Mets Fans Questions Before Opening Day
10. Can we rent a bouncy house for the Mezzanine?
9. Have they combined Prozac and Xanax yet?
8. Can we count this toward a tax deduction?
7. Think Jon Matlack’s up to filling in?
6. At the All-Star Game, can we replace the Home Run Derby with a Seeing-Eye Groundball Past the Shortstop Derby?
5. Why? (best expressed with this inflection)
4. If the ball leaves the bat at a 60 degree angle, and a jet leaves LaGuardia at 7:40 p.m., does Lucas Duda still make an error?
3. Do you want fries with that?
2. Should we replace “Ya gotta believe” with “I’ll believe it when I see it”?
1. What will Keith Hernandez shave next?
Have something else to add to our preseason checklist? How about next week’s topic? The comments section is all yours.