Dear Roy Oswalt,
It has recently come to the attention of the baseball world that you are open to playing anywhere. Whereas previously you were holding out for a contending team near your home state of Mississippi, such as the St. Louis Cardinals or Texas Rangers, now it seems like you will settle for signing midseason with any team in contention, even if it’s the Toronto Blue Jays or Seattle Mariners. So Roy, on behalf of its fan base everywhere, I implore you to consider signing with the New York Mets.
Now that you’re no longer worrying about location, the Mets have cleared one of the major hurdles that was preventing them from signing you. Of course, the Amazins also have to be in contention around June, but with the addition of a second wild card team, the postseason is more attainable. The rotation has a formidable front three starters with Johan Santana (assuming his shoulder doesn’t fall off), Jon Niese (new nose and all) and R.A. Dickey (master of the knuckleball), and adding you to that mix would bolster the staff even more. The bullpen has improved as well (on paper) and with power hitters such as Ike Davis and Lucas Duda and on-base machines like Ruben Tejada and Josh Thole, the team should be able to put some runs on the board (after all, the Mets did lead the National League East in runs scored last season). There’s also a guy named David Wright who is pretty good.
So assuming the Mets are in contention, why would you want to take your career 3.21 ERA, 1.194 WHIP and 3.52 K/BB to Queens? Well for starters, you don’t really want to leave the National League, do you? And deal with that designated hitter stuff in the American League? That eliminates fourteen teams. And why bother changing divisions? You’re already familiar with the NL East from the year and a half spent in Philly. You’d mostly be facing the same opponents, except half of your games would be pitched in still-expansive Citi Field as opposed to the Little League park that is Citizens Bank. Sure, you’ve only pitched fifteen innings at Citi Field in your life, but the results have been good thus far: thirteen hits, one earned run, one walk and eight strikeouts.
Let’s also not forget that the city of New York has a lot to offer. Kids will be out of school by midseason? Have them explore the wonders of the Big Apple. Take them to the museums, parks and theater-have them soak up the culture. The food is pretty good as well, and you can get just about anything at any time.
Can the Mets afford you? While it might not seem like, Sandy Alderson has intimated that payroll could expand should the Mets be in contention for a playoff spot. And if the team is doing well, in theory more people should be attending games, increasing revenue.
So Roy, if the Mets are hanging around come midseason, please consider joining the club. It would be a great, new experience for you and a treat for Mets fans to watch you pitch. I would also forcibly rip the number forty-four off Jason Bay‘s jersey so you could wear it.